i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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