I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
