so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
