Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So squirting runs in the family.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
