Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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