Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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