if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
