I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
