He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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