Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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