sarcasm needs its own font
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
