my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
