I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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