My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
