your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ambien. No doubt about it.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
