You don't have asthma, your pregnant
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
