so that wasnt chicken after all
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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