i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
