I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
