Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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