I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
