Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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