i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
