I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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