Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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