I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
My balls are so social today.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
