oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
