theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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