I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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