Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
