so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
