I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
