omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
