My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
