seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I don't deserve a penis
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
