Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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