What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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