I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
as a side note pls kill me
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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