Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
