I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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