As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
