You're so nebulous sometimes
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
