My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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