Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
