I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
