Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
