Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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