My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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