Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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