Plan B is the new Plan A
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
