i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
