I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
