So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
